Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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