I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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