now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i drank out of a bidet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
