Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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