They should really pass out barf bags in church
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I checked into jail on foursquare
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
