nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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