There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
