I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize