CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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