just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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