I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
