In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize