69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
