I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
