I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
