You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
