He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
