found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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