Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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