my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
