Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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