i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
