The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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