why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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