Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
