I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
