i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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