Just cropdusted the office
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
