The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
