brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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