I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
