So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
