I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
