You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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