Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
