Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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