just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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