i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
