Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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