Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
