I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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