well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize