I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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