There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
