what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
