Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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