3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
