im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the condom got lost in my hair
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
