Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
