So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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