i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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