So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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