Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
