that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
