In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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