Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
