the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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