have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize