Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize