I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
