I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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