I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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