Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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