Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
