I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize