That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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