Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
