I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
