You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
