But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
