god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
