I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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