I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
