he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
