Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
